Entender

There are a few verbs which, after about a week and a half, I almost have down pat. “Ir” (to go), “Decir” (to say), “Estar” (to be, one of the two ways to express it), and “Conoscer” (to know, again one of the two ways to express it) are a few. Right up there is the verb “Entender” which means, to understand. For example: “Si, entiendo,” “¿Entiendes?” and, of course, the most ‘understood’ form, “No entiendo.” I have had to get used to interjecting the first person form (“Entiendo”)of the verb into conversations to affirm that, yes, what they are saying to me is in fact being understood, or to interrupting people mid-explanation with a reactionary confused face along with a first person negative (“No entiendo”). It is humbling.

But there is more to understanding than simply comprehending what people are saying to me. Part of the reason I came here is to learn about myself, about my culture, and about how it feels to be in a new place. Sometimes I picture myself speaking English the way that I speak Spanish, knowing full well that I sound like a fool: “I want that I speak Spanish two weeks but I know this is not going to be true in future, wait do I need the word ‘the’?” Aside from certainly having a better understanding about myself, I have a better understanding of what the many immigrants in the U.S. now and in history have felt like. Without the ability to communicate adequately, you seem stupid to those around you and furthermore cannot defend yourself from such projections of stupidity, since doing so would require the use of language. While I am certainly here to help and hopefully leave this place, in some small way, better than it was that it was when I came, I am also here “para entender” and I know that this sentiment of alienation is not the first time it has been felt in history.

The first picture is a view of San Juan del Sur from the Pelican Eyes Hotel, and then second is a picture of my standard greeting home each night from Ester Rosio, the baby of the house. She thinks I'm crazy (loco) and reflexively raises her finger to her head when she sees me. It's nice to know that I am at least recognized.